Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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