my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
