So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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