i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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