He told me they were just razor bumps!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
