Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
