Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
