why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
