i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize