Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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