My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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