I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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