chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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