brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize