She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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