Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So vagazzling was a success
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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