I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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