Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
