Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
