It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
