Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
