i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
