what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
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Hippo gnu deer
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
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It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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