; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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