Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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