Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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