somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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