this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
