You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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