so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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