My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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