Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
