Don't make out with my wife yet
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
