You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
