; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's Friday. Sex?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
