So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
