the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
where are my eyebrows?
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