we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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