My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
