my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
