did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
