I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
