do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
