I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
