I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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