If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
