what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
