he shaved USA in his pubs
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
