I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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