dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
