remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
