from now on my penis is your penis
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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