U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
