I just cut my nipple shaving
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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