I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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