I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
