Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
