is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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