i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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