they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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