Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
