Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
