bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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