things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
