We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
