i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
