I'm going to jail i love you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
