Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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