Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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