six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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