Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
