between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
