who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
