TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
