i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize